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In the beginning… May 19, 2010

Posted by Anonymous Smith in Uncategorized.
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Day 42 of sobriety

So not REALLY the beginning.  I still can’t believe that I have been able to stay sober for that long.  In sex and love addiction, sobriety is the length of time that you are not participating in your self-assigned bottom line behaviors.  (These are all subject to change as you grow in the program)

My bottom lines are:

  1. No sex until I am married
  2. No masturbation
  3. For the first 90 days of sobriety I am not allowed to go to bars or parties where the primary activity is drinking
  4. No drinking for the first 90 days
  5. If I catch myself fantasizing about a guy I have to redirect my thoughts instead of letting myself get lost in the fantasy.
  6. No intriguing with men that can be potential enablers to my addiction.

These are strict by the program standards, but they are necessary for me to stay clean.  I am also in the process of doing 90 meetings in 90 days, which has been my saving grace for the last forty-two days.  Forcing myself daily to examine my life under a magnifying glass, but also doing it with the support of people suffering from the same affliction.

Many people have a misconception about S programs.  People think that they are filled with sexual deviants and disgusting people, grouped in a room so that they can meet and cavort with each other.  The complete opposite of that is true.  Everyone that I have encountered in the rooms is truly seeking sobriety.   They are mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers, and sisters, who are meeting in secret to recover from an addiction that has ruined their life in so many ways.  And I can honestly say that as a group they genuinely want to heal from this disease, and care enough about people to go through this rigorous painful process of recovery so that they can live in truth.

I know that is true for me.  I have this amazing life that I have not been able to enjoy because I am haunted by my past,  the person I have become in my addiction, and the perfectionist in me that sees myself as not worthy.  Thankfully I have been blessed by a supportive group of friends that have encouraged me in my recovery.  I refuse to give up on my life.  I want to live in my present, instead of my past.  And with each day of sobriety, I will remind myself that life is long, and most of my story has not yet been written.

Comments»

1. ambrzpocket - May 19, 2010

Congradulations on 42 days of sobriety! I wish you all the luck for future progress.

dsla - May 20, 2010

Thank you so much. It’s been tough and I white knuckled through some days, but I am glad to start Day 43.


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