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Another day another dollar May 21, 2010

Posted by Anonymous Smith in Uncategorized.
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Day 43/44 of sobriety

Sometimes it is so hard coming to work.  Sitting in an office, smiling politely to co-workers, going about my business as if nothing is different about my day,  this can be excruciating to a recovering addict.  No one knowing the internal struggles going on inside my head.  I feel isolated, and completely alone, especially working in a corporate office, where propriety and decorum are paramount.  In the past this disease has caused me to break down at my desk, sobbing in despair.  Thankfully I work for two amazing bosses, who do not pry, but will give me amazing support regardless of what I am going through.  They take the time to check in with me, as they run a multi-million dollar company.  And for that I am eternally grateful.

I can not share this part with everyone.  When people hear the words “sex and love addict” there is this deviant connotation to the addiction.  The other spectrum of people find it intriguing and would love to find out about the freak that lies within and entice me to act out.  And as I learn more of my addiction I see that for most of my life I have been public about everything, too public.  I relished the scores of hot guys that I associated with, and everything that went along with them.  Now I have to learn how to be private, not secretive, which is completely foreign to me.  Private meaning, I don’t have to invite everyone into my recovery.  Part of me always wants to tell everyone, to prove to myself that the people in my life will reject me.  But for now, privacy is key.  God is teaching me patience, and to be still to take the power away from the self-defeating addict that lies within me.

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