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Inspired January 8, 2011

Posted by Anonymous Smith in Uncategorized.
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There is definitely something to be said about just showing up.  I was going to skip a dinner on Sunday, because I was starting my first week of work after a long vacation.  It was a discussion dinner, and the topic was creativity.  As a writer my first instinct should be to go to events like this, but lately I have wanted to seclude myself.   Somehow I went against my nature and attended the dinner.

It was slow going at first, not everyone is a verbal processor, and no one was volunteering answers to any of the topical questions.  Silence is excruciating for me in a group setting.  But a friend of mine was leading it, so I just jumped in to help him out.  I shared about writing and what it meant to me.  There were times where it was just crickets, but as people felt more comfortable they began to share about what they were passionate about it turned into something amazing.

I think that being present, as they say in 12 step speak, is probably the best lesson they teach in program.  I watched people’s demeanor change from shy to animated.  And I realized that as a society we are rarely asked to share about what we love to do.  We are rarely asked to talk about our art, and what it means to us; how it heals us, and fuels us.  And given that opportunity we shine.  We smile in the middle of explaining because we remember a moment when we were creating something that moved our soul, and we don’t necessarily share that moment, but we share why we love to do what we do.

A woman in the group who seamed to be shy was finally asked to share her gift.  None of us in the room really knew what to expect, since when we asked her what she loved, she answered, “playing 19th century piano music.”  I think most of us were not at all impressed, since most of us probably had the latest top 40 song in our head.  But as she began to play Chopin’s Fantasie Impromptu, we were all taken to a different place.  She came alive as she played.  I took a moment to scan the room as I let myself be broken from the trance of her playing, everyone was mesmerized by her talent, and her passion.  No one moved, they were all transfixed on this woman, whose playing was shaking the piano, and our preconceived notions about 19th century music.

As she played I began to formulate a short story in my head.  I felt inspired.  I would have completely missed out on this experience had I let myself stay in seclusion.  I made excuse, after excuse as to why I shouldn’t go to dinner, but for some reason I went against everything that I felt and decided to show up.  There is growth in that.  I am starting to show up for my life again.  It’s strange to know where I was a year ago in my addiction and to see the person I am now, and I am glad that I don’t recognize myself.  The person I knew I didn’t like, and it is great to know that I ultimately had the power to change that person.  I know I am not finished, but seeing my own progress is inspiring, and I hang on to that and it keeps me moving forward. 

*If you would like to hear Chopin’s Fantasie Impromptu please see the attached link.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7K4-r5V3cVw&feature=related

Comments»

1. Anonymous in NorCal - January 10, 2011

It’s amazing what we can be a part of when we get out of our own way!

Anonymous Smith - January 12, 2011

That is so true. I have the ability as most people do to over-think/obsess over everything. I am a lot better at identifying what is in my addict nature to do, then doing the opposite. And I am so grateful for that.

2. Kevin Gonzaga - January 12, 2011

Thanks for sharing. What a great memory and take away! I am saddened when I think about how much life I have missed by rationalizations that have kept me isolated and away from people. I’m probably going to write a short blog about this later. But on the same hand this also means that my experience of life will only get deeper and richer as I say yes to invitations out and to community and to life more and more.

Anonymous Smith - January 12, 2011

Saying yes to life is not as easy as saying yes to our addictions. I am so glad that you are progressing into the right direction. Community is so important as we recover. I think that the more we encourage each others progress the easier it becomes to stay on the right path. Continue to write about it. I can’t wait to hear what you discover.


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